If you've read this far, then it's time we shook things up a bit for this day's devotional with a "Pop Quiz on Marital Conflict!" C'mon, be honest and discuss your answers with your spouse.1. Do you stick to one issue during a conflict or do you focus on many issues? Don't save up a series of complaints and let your mate have them all at once. Deal with one thing at a time.
2. Do you focus on your spouse's behavior rather than attack his or her character? Don't try to make your mate feel like an enemy or the bad guy. And avoid sweeping statements like "You are so forgetful" or "This is just like you!"
3. Do you focus on the facts rather than judging the motives? If your partner forgets to make an important call, deal with the consequences of what you both have to do next, rather than saying, "You don't really care about this, do you?"
4. Do you focus on understanding your mate rather than on who wins or loses? When your mate confronts you, listen carefully to what is said and what isn't said.
It may be, for example, that your spouse is upset about something else that happened during the day and you're just getting the brunt of that pressure. In other words, you may not be the problem. Your mate may just need to vent some pent-up frustrations and feelings. While that may not always be fair, part of being a loving partner is willingness to listen and to help.
5. When you're confronted, do you listen with a teachable spirit or do you justify your behavior? Be willing to hear and receive the truth when you are confronted. The natural thing to do is to employ a defense lawyer's tactics. Fire the lawyer; hire the teachable student.
6. Do you use phrases like, "You always do ..." or "You never do ...", or do you usually give your spouse the benefit of the doubt? Generalizations are seldom true-avoid using them in your marriage.